Hello, my name is Scott
Whether anyone else reads this blog post or not, it is one of the more vital writings I have done in quite some time. Hello, my name is Scott. I am a functional depressaholic.
Now, I may have made up that term, but I believe it adequately describes me at this point in my journey with Jesus. I know it is dangerous to self-diagnose, and I have prayed about this A LOT over the past few weeks. A little background first.
The past couple of months are my least favorite time of the year. From mid-September through early November, I am reminded of the loved ones who are no longer with me. My Mom, and both of her parents all passed away during this time period. Different years, but within a month or so of each date where one of them died. It is easy for me to slip into melancholy during this time of year. I was super close to my Mom, and her parents were like a second set of parents to me as well. Granny has been gone since 1987. Mom since 1993. Grandpa since 1997. The pain is no easier today than it was 17 years ago, 22 years ago, and 27 years ago.
Now, I LOVE Jesus, and I know He has what is best for me in mind. I do not doubt that even for one second. I am blessed beyond measure. I have my salvation in Christ Jesus. I have the most wonderful, loving, kind, caring, supportive wife a man could ever hope to have. Our grown children all love Jesus and serve Him to the best of their abilities (most of the time – grin). I have three fantastic grandchildren who are the absolute joys of my life. I serve a congregation of believers who absolutely are family in every since of the word. I have brothers and sisters in Christ, who while parted by miles, are ALWAYS available at the speed of a text, phone call, or video call to pray with me, for me, and about me. I am surrounded by people who love me without reservation or condition. I know that.
Still, I battle with bouts of “gloom, despair and agony on me.” I go through my daily routine. I spend time in prayer. I read God’s Word. I read books by folks who are much closer to God in their walk than I am. I listen to numerous sermon podcasts each week. I even mentor others in the faith. Still, I battle with bouts of “gloom, despair and agony on me.”
As I do so, I am learning a few lessons that I pray will be helpful for others. I am going to share them, because I need to be reminded of them:
1) God is not offended by my doubts.
2) My faith is not weakened by my doubts.
3) Jesus loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so.
4) I am blessed beyond belief.
5) My struggles are no less significant than the struggles of others. The comparison game is way too destructive, so stop playing it.
6) Spending time in prayer for the needs of people I know and love is therapeutic.
7) Admitting my struggles as a functional depressaholic is the first step towards true healing.
I am not looking for anyone’s pity. This is not a “pity party” writing. God is in control and He loves me (and you, by the way). I just need to confess this struggle in my life as I also give thanks to the God Who is so patient with and tolerant of me.
Thanks for reading this. I would love to hear any thoughts you may have. Your prayers and encouragement are always welcome. Please know that I pray for those who interact with me on this blog as well!
Posted on November 17, 2015, in Christian Living, Common Experience, Depressaholic, Doubts, Healing, Mourning and tagged depressaholic, doubts, faith, healing, Jesus. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.