This post may not help a single person who reads it, but it is one I feel compelled to write in the form of a confession. Thanks for bearing with, and for praying for me.
The storm clouds swirled around Vero Beach this morning (Thursday, April 6th). Tornado warnings, hail, wind damage, and lots of rain reported in our area. As of this writing, no indications of significant damage, injuries or deaths, and for that we are very grateful.
Storms are part of life in this sin-filled, fallen world in which we live. While I will NEVER minimize the devastation of physical storms, I still believe that they pale in comparison to emotional and spiritual storms. I also know that in spite of (perhaps even because of) the fact that I am a follower of Christ, those storms can be quite intense.
I have previously discussed that I have a tenancy towards depressaholism (a word I coined to describe my battles with a form of depression). You can tell when it has really flared up, because I stop writing for a while.
The thing that truly upsets me about my battles in this area is the totally selfish mode in which I find myself. By that I mean that there are stretches of time when I just don’t care about taking care of myself. Physically, emotionally, sometimes (but not often) even spiritually. I just get the “I don’t care” attitude going. I know that is as selfish as it can be.
I have a responsibility to my LORD first of all, and among the aspects of that responsibility is the commitment to take care of my body, which is a temple for the Holy Spirit. While I do not want to take 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 out of context (it is talking about fleeing sexual immorality), I believe the admonition to take care of your body entails EVERY aspect of that endeavor.
1 Cor. 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
I confess to you (and those who see me on a regular basis know this is true): I have not taken care of my body properly over the past few months. My weight is up, my A1c is up, and my depressaholism feeds into the “I don’t care” attitude that must be squashed.
So, I find myself in that Romans 7 battle Paul describes:
Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
Again, I do not want to take this out of context, but in following God’s desire for my life, there are things I need to do. there are others things I need to stop doing. Not just physically, but especially emotionally. The storm clouds swirl around in the midst of this battle. I know in my head Who wins in the end, and I know that I want to be on the winning side. I also know that I dishonor my Lord when I fail in this battle. Sigh.
I praise God for my Lord Jesus. I want to submit to His Lordship in every area of my life. I praise God for my beautiful Bride, Peggy. I want to honor her by living a life of submission to Christ. I love our children, grandchildren, siblings, in-laws, outlaws, church family, friends, neighbors, and those who do not follow Christ. May my actions line up with my desires and words. May I start by getting my “house” or “temple” in order. Thanks for your prayers.